How my mind works waiting for a phone appointment

Waiting for a phone call - anytime between 9 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. (CST). How nerve wracking, it's after 9, so probably don't have to worry for about 20 minutes at least. We aren't the first appointment for the night.
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Maybe I shouldn't of eaten that hamburger, tasted like cardboard anyway. Ten minutes later - feel a lot like I need to throw up. I have no idea what to expect from this phone appointment. And now it's almost twenty after, I'm getting more nervous.
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Maybe I won't answer the phone, then I won't know if the answers aren't what I want to hear. This, more so than any other appointment feels like it will be life changing, Whether good or bad I don't know. Depends on whether there are any diagnosis given out tonight.
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This is worse than waiting for a date to show up (back in my dating days)
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Nothing holds my attention, how many games of solitaire can I play?
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Almost 9:30, was the first appointment a twenty minute or thirty minute phone appointment? No way to know. Wish I was a long distance mind reader!!
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Maybe I'll hyperventilate instead of puking.
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I don't remember being quite this nervous before my other phone appointments. I guess I feel like more rides on this one. Bill is in pretty bad shape.
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It's 9:40, maybe I'll go to sleep and forget the whole thing!!
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Heck, I don't think I'll be able to talk anyway, I feel like I can't even breathe. Wonder if Dr. F knows how much he holds in his hands (head?)
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Geeze, my arms feel like they don't work. like not connected to my brain.
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9:50
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Wish there wasn't food commercials on TV, makes me feel ill
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10:00, maybe he won't call, maybe I don't care anymore, we can just live in limbo forever, at least I know how limbo works, Something will change with this phone call
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10:10
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Will either of the kids be re diagnosed? What if they are re diagnosed and Bill doesn't even get a first diagnosis? What if one J is diagnosed and the other isn't? How will that affect things? Why can't I just quit thinking?
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10:15, I look at the clock too often
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we always seem to be the last phone call of the night, wonder how he decides the order of the appointments?
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10:20 think I can turn off my brain? Quit thinking about when the phone will ring.
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Just read something I found through Google
Cushing’s
syndrome is a hormonal disorder caused by prolonged exposure of the body’s
tissues to high levels of the hormone cortisol. Sometimes called
hypercortisolism, Cushing’s syndrome is relatively rare and most commonly
affects adults aged 20 to 50. People who are obese and have type 2 diabetes,
along with poorly controlled blood glucose—also called blood sugar—and high
blood pressure, have an increased risk of developing the disorder.

Found it here
10:26, tired of being on pins and needles. I really might be throwing up by the time he calls! I hate this. (not saying anything bad about Dr. F, just saying I hate this all) It messes with your mind.
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10:28, I think Justin is the only one not waiting. I don't think he knows the appointment got changed and is tonight.
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10:29, okay, back to more solitaire. Does everyone feel like this when waiting for their phone appointment?
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Oh good MASH is on now. Must mean it's 10:30
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I'm feeling sick again, maybe it really isn't going to happen. It's 10:40. I know they don't run exactly on schedule but it's starting to reminded me of the time I stayed up until about midnight thinking maybe the first appointment ran very long. Found out the next morning through email, it had accidentally never been scheduled.
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10:47, maybe I really should give up hope
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10:52 - oddly I'm not even nervous anymore. I really don't think he'll call. But now I'm dissappointed. No answers this weekend. 11:00 - just checked Lynne's email again to make sure I had the date right. I did.
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11:06 - guess I'm still holding out a little hope or I wouldn't still be watching the clock. Now my arms feel like lead and like they don't want to move. I wonder how we are so lucky to have this happen twice. Now how long before I can have a phone appointment? I got moved to today (HA) because of a cancellation, so I'm sure mine that was originally scheduled for next week has been cancelled. Wonder if it's still available. Bill promised his boss he would have something (good, bad or in between) to report after tonight. Guess not. They already wonder how this can be taking so long. They just don't understand. I'm guessing he is more disappointed than I am.
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I was wrong - he called. Bill has Cushng's!!!!!!!!!!! (I knew it) Pituitary source. Also thinks he has aldosteronism. So will need surgery for both. Needs to get another CT of the abdomen. Kids need to get another MRI and send to McC. Both will start Keto and take some hydro. Need to get a baseline liver panel. Justin has been in a low lately (I think) so he needs to get an a.m. cortisol. Bill adds another bp med. I can start setting up pit surgery for Bill. With the kids we'll see what the new MRIs show. If McC sees tumor then it will probably be pit. We discussed BLAs for the kids. In the end it sounds like the type of surgery would be our choice, he wouldn't push. Too much to think about now and appointments to set up. Too bad it's not Monday morning and I could get the show on the road. I think I'm too keyed up to sleep. YES!!!!! Bill is diagnosed and the kids can go back to surgery!! Dr. F said we should ask if McC gives a family discount!!LOL